The Guy on “First Dates”

Can you remember some of your first dates?  Maybe you were lucky and they all went really smoothly but I imagine you can remember some feeling awkward and you were unsure about what to talk about or do?  Channel 4 has a tv programme which films couples meeting on completely blind "First Dates" and I was tuned in on the first night that Louis, a charmingly gauche young man, met a woman for dinner.

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Louis suffers from social anxiety and his lack of confidence was extremely apparent as he tried very hard to make small talk before his nerves overtook him and he fumbled and stuttered to speak before completely freezing.  Watching the programme, my heart went out to him, and I was disappointed in his date appearing to make little attempt to help the conversation flow (although that might just have been the editing which made it appear that way).

Do you have confidence on first dates?  A blog post by Gillian Lewis: Spectrum Coaching and Consultancy

So, I was pleased to read in this article that he'd been back on the programme and had better luck with a second date​ - and that there's a whole internet of people who thought he was lovely.  He would be a man you could take home to your Mum!

I remember a lot of first dates from several attempts at Internet Dating.  I remember a lot of disappointment that the chemistry I hoped for, failed to materialise.  But I always tried very hard to make it an enjoyable evening with a new friend and I chatted and asked questions and showed interest to create a conversation - even when I was thinking "you play Dungeons and Dragons and you're how old???" (and he was probably thinking "how many cats???").

Now, you might think that as a Confidence Coach, I'd be very confident in these kind of situations, and you might be right if you were describing me now, but 12 years ago, I'd not say that I was as confident.  I would have described myself as introverted and shy (and I still would) but I knew that the goal I had was to meet somebody, and the only way that was going to happen was if I did something about it since I wouldn't date anybody where I worked, and didn't seem to meet many available and desirable men (usually the available ones were undesirable, and the desirable ones were unavailable!) and the internet brought me into contact with a lot of men who I would never normally meet.

How I Developed my Confidence on First Dates

I had been working on my shyness for quite some time, and through the work situations I faced, I'd been learning techniques to overcome it and become more confident - and two of the main areas were how to:

  • Manage the urge to bolt when facing new situations, and instead, see it as a new experience that I would learn something from
  • Listen and ask open questions

Like anything in life, if you practice something long enough, it starts to become easier to do.  My comfort zone expanded to the point where I quite enjoyed meeting new people, and I had fun on these first dates even if there were no sparks.  I know that I am better talking one-to-one than in larger groups, and whilst I'm never going to be the life and soul of a big party, I am going to be able to face a large group and find somebody to have a conversation with.

If your confidence lets you down...

I have a limited number of FREE sessions that I offer to help people discover their confidence.  

 

I'd love to hear your comments on this post

Gillian Lewis
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Gillian Lewis

Self Image Coach at Gillian Lewis: Spectrum Coaching and Consultancy based in Darlington, County Durham, UK
What on earth is a Self-Image Coach I hear you ask – it’s cross between a Confidence Coach and Image Consultant.

I help clients become happier and more confident by giving them a Makeover from the Inside Out to change their internal and external view of themselves.

I'm not really interested in fashion, just what clothes can do for your self-image - that's where the Forget Fashion blog title originated, so I won't be doing much commentary on the latest catwalk styles.Instead, I write about things I come across in life that make me reflect.Sometimes it's serious.Sometimes it's just fun.Hopefully you'll like my writing style, find what I write about interesting and enjoy the experience.If you do, share the love using the boxes below - thank you 😀
Gillian Lewis
FOLLOW ME
About Gillian Lewis

What on earth is a Self-Image Coach I hear you ask – it’s cross between a Confidence Coach and Image Consultant.

I help clients become happier and more confident by giving them a Makeover from the Inside Out to change their internal and external view of themselves.

I'm not really interested in fashion, just what clothes can do for your self-image - that's where the Forget Fashion blog title originated, so I won't be doing much commentary on the latest catwalk styles. Instead, I write about things I come across in life that make me reflect. Sometimes it's serious. Sometimes it's just fun. Hopefully you'll like my writing style, find what I write about interesting and enjoy the experience. If you do, share the love using the boxes below - thank you :-D

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