#Makeithappen – International Women’s Day 2015

Today it’s International Women’s Day 2015, and the theme this year is #MakeItHappen. As a Coach, that’s what I strive to help my clients to do, although before we get there, you might identify a whole load of reasons that hold you back so “it” doesn’t happen.

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But, the thing is, when you explore those reasons, if you really want to #makeithappen, you will find a way to overcome what holds you back.

You’ll have heard stories of people who have overcome the most amazing obstacles to #makeithappen, and you may compare them against the reasons you’ve created as barriers that stop you achieving what you want. In comparison, you may consider that your reasons sound a bit lame, however, they are real to you, and if you can’t find a way to overcome them, they will keep you stuck.

#MakeItHappen - International Womens Day 2015, a blog post by Self-Image Coach, Gillian Lewis of Spectrum Coaching and Consultancy

Often, there’s an underlying reason why seemingly insignificant reasons hold us back and I’d like to explore some of them today.

The biggest issue is whether you really want to achieve your goal. That may seem really counter-intuitive since why wouldn’t you want to achieve your goals? Well, sometimes our goals are not really aligned to our desires in life. They are things we think we should do because of social pressure (whether real or imagined):

  • You should do well at school
  • You should go to university
  • You should get a job
  • You should advance your career
  • You should draw up a list of things to do before you’re 30
  • You should buy a house
  • You should get married
  • You should have a family
  • You should eat for two
  • You should lose the baby weight
  • You should exercise
  • You should have it all
  • You should make time for yourself
  • You should be Wonder Woman!

And now, maybe, you should #MakeItHappen?  Well, only if you really want to 😀

What can you do to #MakeItHappen for your goals? #InternationalWomensDay

#selfimage #coaching

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If you’re not truly aligned to any of the goals that you have in your head, there will always be reasons not to achieve them. Making most of the big goals in life happen takes some effort and commitment on your part (and sometimes luck, and being in the right place at the right time), and if you’re not feeling passion for the goal, it’s probably not going to happen. Or, it might happen, but you are so disengaged from the process that you may not enjoy it.

As a result, the reasons you have which block you from taking action to #MakeItHappen, can often be flimsy. You might say you’re going to do something, but, in your heart of hearts, you have no real desire to take any action. Sometimes you might be saying you will do something to appease those closest to you but in your head you might as well be saying “tra, la, la, la, la” and sticking your fingers in your ears 😀

What happens if your goal is something you absolutely have your heart set on, but you can’t seem to #MakeItHappen? The possibility is that you might be looking at a huge goal that has so many actions associated with it that you don’t know where to start, and that, in itself is overwhelming.

Just imagine being given an elephant to eat – how would you complete that process? The key to an “Elephant Task” is to break the goal down in to manageable steps which you can complete and keep momentum and pace about achieving your goal – after all, you wouldn’t eat an elephant in one sitting, would you?

So, you’ve broken the goal down into manageable steps, but you still feel stuck. It may be that you hold a self-limiting belief about your capability to take action or achieve something successfully. Usually a self-limiting belief is a learned behaviour, and one which may not be grounded in reality. Sometimes these beliefs are created in our formative years and can be traced to comments made in jest, which our younger self has taken as valid. Or maybe a teacher hasn’t explained something well so it’s you who has the problem. How many times do you hear people say “I’m no good at Maths”? I’m willing to bet that if they had a switched-on teacher who was able to find your specific learning style, you would be a lot better at Maths than you think you are currently.

Identifying what that self-limiting belief is can be hard on your own though, and ducking out of addressing it is often the way that we deal with it, so that may be why you’re not making any progress to #MakeItHappen.

Even if there isn’t a self-limiting belief holding you back, have a think about whether you work more effectively on a carrot or stick basis. Ask yourself, are you trying to chase a dream, but actually you need to have some kind of sanction for not completing actions? Now, in general, reframing the actions you need to take into positive steps, or benefits for yourself, is better practice from a coaching perspective since it creates a more desirable outcome rather than focusing on the negative aspects of why you have the goal, but if your personality is such that you only get things done if you are accountable in some way for delivering the benefits to yourself then you need to find a way to make that happen.

So, by this stage, you might be wondering what else could be holding you back from making it happen so I’d suggest that it might be because you are afraid of failure.

You may be afraid that other people may judge what you are doing; that you may be ridiculed for your goal or achievements towards it. Often this translates into perfectionism that demonstrates itself by you working to hone and polish your efforts before sharing them with anybody else. By holding onto your output as not being good enough, you cannot be exposed to have failed – and therefore the self-sabotage keeps you in a safe place. But is it really a safe place if you’re not achieving your goals?

Even if putting your head above the parapet does get you shot down because you really aren’t on the right lines to achieve your goal, wouldn’t it be better to know this for definite so you can work out what steps you could take to get you closer to your goal – or acknowledge that the dream is not going to be fulfilled? Sometimes we have to take a step towards the goal to realise that it was never for us in the first place. How often have you heard of somebody giving up a successful career because it just didn’t feel right?

The final reason that I’m going to suggest to you today for inaction to make your goals happen is one that few people realise is possible – but lots of people adopt. The fear that you may have is that you may be successful achieving your goal!

You’re probably saying “why should I be frightened of success?” and the truth is that with success comes change - and that can be scary. If you achieve your goal it could be that you are no longer viewed by people in the same way, you may have to work harder to keep up with your goal, you may have to give up activities or people that no longer serve the new you, or a whole host of other reasons. Success might be a step too far for you so, instead, you avoid making progress in any kind of a concerted way – and that way you can still talk about what you’re doing to achieve your goal just without actually getting there.

Which of these reasons resonates with you?

If you want to #MakeItHappen, you will find a way!

However, working with a Coach can help you to find that way sooner. This is why I offer a limited number of FREE Confidence Discovery Sessions to help you take the first steps on that route.

I'd love to hear your comments on this post

Gillian Lewis
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Gillian Lewis

Self Image Coach at Gillian Lewis: Spectrum Coaching and Consultancy based in Darlington, County Durham, UK
What on earth is a Self-Image Coach I hear you ask – it’s cross between a Confidence Coach and Image Consultant.

I help clients become happier and more confident by giving them a Makeover from the Inside Out to change their internal and external view of themselves.

I'm not really interested in fashion, just what clothes can do for your self-image - that's where the Forget Fashion blog title originated, so I won't be doing much commentary on the latest catwalk styles.Instead, I write about things I come across in life that make me reflect.Sometimes it's serious.Sometimes it's just fun.Hopefully you'll like my writing style, find what I write about interesting and enjoy the experience.If you do, share the love using the boxes below - thank you 😀
Gillian Lewis
FOLLOW ME
About Gillian Lewis

What on earth is a Self-Image Coach I hear you ask – it’s cross between a Confidence Coach and Image Consultant.

I help clients become happier and more confident by giving them a Makeover from the Inside Out to change their internal and external view of themselves.

I'm not really interested in fashion, just what clothes can do for your self-image - that's where the Forget Fashion blog title originated, so I won't be doing much commentary on the latest catwalk styles. Instead, I write about things I come across in life that make me reflect. Sometimes it's serious. Sometimes it's just fun. Hopefully you'll like my writing style, find what I write about interesting and enjoy the experience. If you do, share the love using the boxes below - thank you :-D

Comments

  1. Fab post Gillian and perfect for International woman’s day. Sometimes I am afraid of other people’s judgement but I generally overcome it and do whatever I have set my mind to anyway x

    • Thanks Samantha and good on you for overcoming other people’s judgement!

      There’s a great quote I’ve seen doing the rounds “What other people think of you is none of your business” – if you want it, get on and do it. I think the only people you have to consider are those closest to you, and if they object, talk to them to find out whether it is out of their fear of taking risks with their lives being projected onto your dreams, or legitimate concern for you where you can work out a way of mitigating any risks.