The Spectre at the Feast?

Yesterday I attended a women’s networking event held by the Inspire Network and I was having a conversation with a couple of people I know and see regularly.  One of the pair, a blonde, said she was glad she hadn’t chosen to wear a completely black dress because we’ve had previous conversations about how it drains her natural colouring.  The other said she always thought about what to wear when she knew I might be around.  That got me to thinking…..

Am I the Spectre at the Feast?

Gillian Lewis: Spectrum "Spectre at the Feast" blog post

Spectre at the Feast: “Something or someone that spoils your enjoyment by making you remember something unpleasant” – me? Surely not 😀

Whenever I say what I do, or catch sight of people I’ve met before, at networking events, I can either see them looking down at what they are wearing, or doing a mental check with wide eyes and I can almost see the bubbles above their heads saying “What’s she going to say?”

Trust me, apart from when you’re wearing black and it doesn’t do anything for you, I’m very unlikely to give you unprompted advice, and actually, because I’m a “Natural” style personality, and far more interested in comfort and practicality than you may imagine, I don’t like being on duty 100% of the time so I turn down my volume on noticing the clothes you are wearing to concentrate on finding out more about you and what makes you tick.

The interesting thing is that if you have those qualms about your appearance when you see me (or any other image consultant, weight loss coach, or personal trainer) around, you’re probably judging yourself more than I ever could.  And what does that mean when you’re going to an event, to an interview, or even just going to the shops?  You could well be standing in front of your bulging wardrobe wondering what to put on  because “you haven’t got a thing to wear! ”  Then, when you’re out, you may be feeling uncomfortable with yourself because you’re not quite sure of the outfit; it digs in, it rides up, it falls down, it’s too formal, it’s too casual and what will people be saying about you!

Wouldn’t it be so much better if you were happy with what you wore because you knew it suited you and the body you actually have (rather than the one that you’d like to have)?  And how much of your  mental bandwidth could be put to much better use, focusing on the important things in your life, rather than whether your bum looks big?

I sometimes wonder if I hadn’t been overweight all of my life whether I would have a different self image.  I can never remember a time when I was a size 8, so I’ve not got an image of what that was like, and I’m not beating myself up about not being that size now.  Even when I’ve been at my heaviest, I know I’ve had far higher self esteem than many people I’ve known, and knowing that I’m wearing the right things helps me too.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pretending that I don’t have any self-limiting beliefs and that I didn’t sometimes wish I had a wand to make me lithe and long-legged, but I work with what I’ve got and I try to help my clients do the same.

Does any of this ring true for you?  If so, give me a call for a chat about how we can start to work on improving your confidence (and don’t duck out of chatting if you see me :-D)

I'd love to hear your comments on this post

Gillian Lewis
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Gillian Lewis

Self Image Coach at Gillian Lewis: Spectrum Coaching and Consultancy based in Darlington, County Durham, UK
What on earth is a Self-Image Coach I hear you ask – it’s cross between a Confidence Coach and Image Consultant.

I help clients become happier and more confident by giving them a Makeover from the Inside Out to change their internal and external view of themselves.

I'm not really interested in fashion, just what clothes can do for your self-image - that's where the Forget Fashion blog title originated, so I won't be doing much commentary on the latest catwalk styles.Instead, I write about things I come across in life that make me reflect.Sometimes it's serious.Sometimes it's just fun.Hopefully you'll like my writing style, find what I write about interesting and enjoy the experience.If you do, share the love using the boxes below - thank you 😀
Gillian Lewis
FOLLOW ME
About Gillian Lewis

What on earth is a Self-Image Coach I hear you ask – it’s cross between a Confidence Coach and Image Consultant.

I help clients become happier and more confident by giving them a Makeover from the Inside Out to change their internal and external view of themselves.

I'm not really interested in fashion, just what clothes can do for your self-image - that's where the Forget Fashion blog title originated, so I won't be doing much commentary on the latest catwalk styles. Instead, I write about things I come across in life that make me reflect. Sometimes it's serious. Sometimes it's just fun. Hopefully you'll like my writing style, find what I write about interesting and enjoy the experience. If you do, share the love using the boxes below - thank you :-D

Comments

  1. Nicola Burt-Skinner says:

    This a fabulous blog Gillian. I have been guilty in the past of wondering what you are thinking about my outfit, especially when I am wearing black. However, knowing you as a person now more than a “style consultant” I know you are not judging.

    I am happy in my clothes now as I am happy in my skin. I wear clothes that make me feel good because if I feel good I think I look good and thinking you look good is the biggest part of confidence (I think anyway). 🙂

    Thanks again. Look forward to future posts.

    • I’m really pleased you like it Nicola 😀

      You’re absolutely right that if you feel good it gives you confidence, but sometimes people (and this isn’t directed at you at all), think they look good – but really don’t: walking around town on a Friday night is always a good testament to that! Knowing a few basic rules helps people to work out what styles do, and don’t work for them and their lifestyle.

      (And you’re OK wearing black and deeper colours – but watch out for future blogs about what the effect can be if you do decide to wear black :-D).

  2. Adele says:

    I have to admit that, like Nicola, I’m slightly more colour conscious if I know I’m going to see you. But I only view this as a positive. Whether we like it or not first impressions are important and anything that makes me give a little more thought to my appearance is a a good thing. I’m more than happy to be nudged in the right direction – the pay-off in terms of feeling more confident is immense.

    • First impressions are really important, as are ongoing impressions, but more than doing it for me, it’s far more important to do it for yourself to get that feeling of confidence 😀